when the going gets tough

When the going gets tough, the tough get going...and when the going gets tough, the weak just go away.  At least that has been my experience as I watch people leave roles and positions because the going got tough, almost always believing that the grass will be greener on the other side.  When budgets are tight...when board relations are strained...when new ventures fail...when permission is not quickly given...when relationships are stretched thin...when supervisors won't budge...and when ideas are not accepted, the tough get going and the weak go away.  Leadership requires one to get through the tough times, to persevere through the tough times, to innovate through the tough times, to negotiate through the tough times, to look inward through the tough times, to stay in place through the tough times, to reach out to others through the tough times, and to fight for what is needed through the tough times.  While I understand that there are times for leaders to move on when the tough times require a change, I also believe that when the going gets tough, leaders should do all they can to work through the situation and come out on the other side better for the decision to stay.

So what causes someone to go away when the going gets tough? Here are a few possible reasons:

• a belief they are on their own...those who feel that they are the only one who cares or that they are the only one who understands the situation will begin to feel helpless and see no solution.  These individuals are too often focused only on themselves and have not sought the advice and help of others
• inexperience...when those in leadership roles face tough situations for the first time, they might find it difficult to believe that there can be a solution on the other side of the issue.  If the current situation cannot get better, then why stay and fight the impossible?
• the lure (and myth) of something better...when times are tough, the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side (to keep using an oft used metaphor).  The "if only" syndrome is common among those in leadership roles, especially if they are young and chasing after titles and recognition
• anger...when situations seem out of control, it is easy to blame others and create a story of self-righteousness.  Eventually one becomes angry enough to leave, because the work to resolve the situation would force them to let go of their anger (which is currently fueling their energy)
• fear...when one faces a dark time, they will probably seek out light wherever it can be found.  Being afraid of the dark can cause someone to act irrationally and make decisions which they might not do otherwise; and similar to the above issues, there is always dark - and there is always light.

Before leaving this blog, I do know and understand that there are times that leaving a tough situation is absolutely the best decision to be made.  In a place where people are abused and the culture allows that to happen, one should leave; in a place and time where staying would harm the institution, one should leave; and when the current situation is harming one's health or the well being of others, one should leave.  It is my prayer that those who lead will find the inner strength, when possible, to stay and work through the tough times, making the their own lives and the lives of those around them better.