leading from your own story

Let's begin with two premises:

1. everyone has a story and that story often emanates from somewhere early in life, often having to do with one's childhood and upbringing and often shaping how one sees and understands the world
2. leadership is hard work because it is personal work...and this personal work causes one to anguish (or not) over decisions that affect other people

As I sat in class this past week and listened to my students relate their stories, I was amazed at how much of their lives have been already shaped...they see the world through a certain lens (based on previous experiences) that will impact the way they interact with others and, ultimately, lead others.  I then came across a text the next day which presents as its premise that one's own story impacts their leadership in a definitive manner; in other words, we can't escape our past.  As I thought about these two encounters, it struck me how powerful one's story is in shaping how they think about leadership and ultimately how they lead.  The aspect of that idea made me think about how many people, who are thrust into leadership roles, never take the time to think about their story and how it has an impact (positive or negative) on their ability to lead well.

So what can leaders do to have their own story more positively impact their leadership or, on the other hand, mitigate any negative affects that story might have? Here are a few thoughts:

1. rehearse one's own story: only thinking about one's story may or may not bring out the important details that have an impact.  Telling one's story over and over (and filling in the details along the way) creates clarity and has the chance to reveal more "aha's" over time
2. embrace one's own story: some people may not want to consider their story...others may feel it unnecessary to tell their own story...still others are too busy to think about their own story.  Telling one's story takes time and courage
3. encourage others to tell their stories: whether in one-on-one conversations or in group settings, hearing and listening to others' stories helps to make sense of one's own story.  Not only are you learning more about yourself, you are also giving others the gift of discovering their own leadership potential
4. have others help fill in the details: if our stories have their beginnings in the past, talking with those who helped shape one's story can reveal new insights and highlight those parts of the story which may, for a time, seemed unimportant
5. find someone to help tell the story:  having a coach has proved invaluable to myself and my team.  A coach, a therapist, a good friend...there are many people who can help unearth the story and bring about application to one's leadership

A final thought...I do believe that one's behavior and ability to lead is not completely dependent on the story we know and tell ourselves.  The past is past and it cannot be changed...one's story is their story.  What can change is our current and future story and how we are able to modify or control our behavior by knowing and rehearsing our story.  One of the great paradoxes of leadership (and life) is that our past defines us AND our past does not need to define us.  The best way to embrace that paradox is to know our past - to know our story - and to use that story (today and into the future) in doing the hard work of leadership.