when disagreements arise

Leaders will have disagreements with others...and others will have disagreements with leaders.  That is the nature of leadership, as decisions are made with which others will disagree.  It may be the actual decision; it may be how the decision was executed; or it may be that they were not included in the decision making process.  The only way to avoid disagreement with others is to not make decisions, and that could even lead to disagreement by those who want decisions made.

Given that disagreement will occur, how might leaders best handle those situations?  Here are a few thoughts:

• Consider what is behind the primary motive of the disagreement: what is causing one to disagree with the decision made? Is the disagreement coming from a place of hurt, being left out, differences of opinion, or just plain stubbornness?  Understanding the motive helps in directing and shaping the conversation
• Is the disagreement around values or operations? if there is a misunderstanding or clash around the values of the organization (or the individuals) the conversation takes a much different tone than if it is merely around how a decision was carried out.  A conversation between two people who agree on the ends but not necessarily the means is very different than a conversation between two people who fundamentally see the world through opposite lenses
• Consider the intensity of the disagreement (for both you and the other person): if the intensity of the disagreement is low, it may be possible to let it go and allow time to bring about equilibrium.  If the intensity is high, then it is imperative to seek understanding and work to restore equilibrium to the relationship
• Seek to know what one does not know: when disagreements arise, there is more than likely an unmet expectation on the part of one of the parties involved.  Work to uncover the information that might be missing from your thinking and help others understand what might be missing from their thinking
• Learn something from the disagreement: when leaders seek first to understand before being understood (thank you Stephen Covey) there is almost always something that can be learned which allows them to change their thinking and adjust their behavior. Enter the learning process with the understanding that "I might be wrong" and move into a learning mode rather than a defensive mode

As I typed the above five thoughts, it struck me that many leaders might be adverse to disagreement with others and, over time, back away from making the difficult decisions.  Making difficult (and sometimes not so difficult) decisions will cause disagreements to arise.  How leaders handle those disagreements can be the hallmark of their leadership and impact their relationships with others.