from responder to listener

The reality is that those who react, respond, and make things happen often get promoted to positions of leadership.  The ability to see a problem and fix it is exactly what people see as valuable in most organizations.  Those of us who are currently in a leadership position most likely got there because we were able to react, respond, and make things happen.  The problem comes that when one moves into that leadership role, it suddenly becomes more important to listen and think rather than act and do.  The other day I asked someone what they had been learning about themselves, and their response was "I am learning to listen to listen, rather than listen to respond."  That is the essence of what it means to lean into one's role as a leader.

Now here's the rub...because the ability to react, respond, and make things happen is most likely built into the DNA of those in leadership roles, the natural reaction will be to respond rather than listen - and that can easily get someone into trouble because of that natural reaction.  So what can be done?  How do those in leadership roles stay in the listening mode and not rush to the responding mode?  Here are a few ideas:

• stop before you offer a solution...rather than offer your own solution, ask the person if they have an idea about a solution
• have a series of 3-4 questions that you always ask...these are your go-to questions that everyone knows you are going to pull out of your back pocket
• pause before entering into dialogue...before the meeting begins, take a deep breath and remind yourself of why you are there and what you should be bringing to the table
• finish each meeting with a ratio inventory...determine what your ratio was of questions asked to statements made, and ask yourself if you are happy with that ratio
• ask for feedback...check with those around you if they believe you are more interested in responding or listening
• stop and ask for forgiveness...if you find yourself in the middle of solving for a problem, stop your rambling and ask the other person for forgiveness - and then let them start solving the problem
• remind yourself that you are not the smartest person in the room...which is often hard to do when everyone else is telling you (directly or indirectly) that you are the smartest person in the room
• enter into all conversations with humility...you don't know what you don't know, and because of that you will never have all of the answers

Unfortunately, this is not something that goes away over time.  Remember that those in leadership positions got there because they are wired to respond, and that immediate need to respond never really goes away.  The paradox is that once one understands that this initial reaction will always be there, the easier it becomes to manage it.  And that's what leaders do - they manage themselves so they can lead in a more effective manner. And remember that it is in the listening that leaders best respond to others - and that is really what most people are asking for from leaders.