making small talk

I am on the third leg of a 10-day journey away from home at conferences and trips with people who, for the most part, are new to me.  I sat at lunch yesterday thinking to myself, "I just want to be quiet and not have to make small talk with someone I do not know."  Those who know me understand that this is out of my character, so I must really have hit a wall.  That being said, I really enjoy getting to meet people and learn about them...if they are willing to engage in conversation.  I have come to understand that the art of making small talk is not natural to many people, and that there is much to learn in how to do this.  Leaders spend a lot of time with people they may not know, and I believe that the art of conversation (small talk) is a critical skill to have.  Here are a few ideas to try out next time you are in a crowd and needing to make new friends:

• Ask questions about them and their families...nothing gets people talking faster and deeper than when you ask about their hobbies and children
• Be willing to offer your own story...you never know where the connections will happen
• Extend your hand, offer a shake, and tell them your name and what you do...making people ask the obvious always seems odd to me
• Have an arsenal of questions ready...what do you do? what brings you here? where did you grow up? what is your favorite thing about this conference? etc
• Be interested...your enthusiasm will go a long way to keep the conversation going
• Don't make it a sales call...keep your business card in your wallet or purse until someone asks for it or it seems obvious this connection should continue
• Set a mental time limit for the conversation...nothing is worse than a conversation that drags on because one (or the other) person keeps talking
• Learn to exit gracefully...do you have to see someone else? make a phone call? go the the restroom? get in line for food? check your email?
• Be willing to be quiet...those of us who are extroverts believe it is our God-given duty to keep the conversation going at all costs.  Sometimes it's okay to just sit next to someone and be quiet.

Small talk is precisely that...small and short.  It's not too painful, and you never know where it might lead.  AND it's just another way to be nice to someone else.