making small talk

I am on the third leg of a 10-day journey away from home at conferences and trips with people who, for the most part, are new to me.  I sat at lunch yesterday thinking to myself, "I just want to be quiet and not have to make small talk with someone I do not know."  Those who know me understand that this is out of my character, so I must really have hit a wall.  That being said, I really enjoy getting to meet people and learn about them...if they are willing to engage in conversation.  I have come to understand that the art of making small talk is not natural to many people, and that there is much to learn in how to do this.  Leaders spend a lot of time with people they may not know, and I believe that the art of conversation (small talk) is a critical skill to have.  Here are a few ideas to try out next time you are in a crowd and needing to make new friends:

• Ask questions about them and their families...nothing gets people talking faster and deeper than when you ask about their hobbies and children
• Be willing to offer your own story...you never know where the connections will happen
• Extend your hand, offer a shake, and tell them your name and what you do...making people ask the obvious always seems odd to me
• Have an arsenal of questions ready...what do you do? what brings you here? where did you grow up? what is your favorite thing about this conference? etc
• Be interested...your enthusiasm will go a long way to keep the conversation going
• Don't make it a sales call...keep your business card in your wallet or purse until someone asks for it or it seems obvious this connection should continue
• Set a mental time limit for the conversation...nothing is worse than a conversation that drags on because one (or the other) person keeps talking
• Learn to exit gracefully...do you have to see someone else? make a phone call? go the the restroom? get in line for food? check your email?
• Be willing to be quiet...those of us who are extroverts believe it is our God-given duty to keep the conversation going at all costs.  Sometimes it's okay to just sit next to someone and be quiet.

Small talk is precisely that...small and short.  It's not too painful, and you never know where it might lead.  AND it's just another way to be nice to someone else.

passing the baton

Yesterday I had an opportunity to witness an official "passing of the baton" event here at Concordia University Texas.  I began the College of Business Speaker Series in October of 2006, a monthly event that helped to shape and grow the College of Business over the past 8 years.  Yesterday, the hosting of the series was handled by our interim Dean of the College of Business, Dr. Lynette Gillis, and she did a superb job in making it an incredibly successful event.  Over 175 students, faculty, staff and community members were in the room listening to Jason Johnson, a CTX alum, being interviewed.  I sat in and among the audience, listening and enjoying the presentation.  As it finished, I thought to myself that the baton had been passed successfully and the next leg of the race had begun.

I have also been on the receiving end of the baton being passed well, assuming the role of CEO here at Concordia after 12 years of great leadership by Dr. Tom Cedel.  When people have asked me how it has been over the past 6 weeks, I get to say that for the most part everything has been smooth and I am enjoying the role.  Much of that is a result of having the baton passed onto me in a manner that allowed me to be successful in this role.  For that I am thankful and hope to carry that baton for quite a while.

So how can leaders best pass the baton on to to others?  Here are a few thoughts from my experiences over the past several months:

• Prepare to pass the baton - who is it that might be best to carry the baton (if needed) and how are they being prepared?
• Let those people know that they might have the baton passed onto them so they can watch and observe in a different manner.
• Give them opportunities to practice what they might have to do in that role.
• Give them assignments outside of their normal area of routine - and support them during that with coaching and mentoring.
• Have a transition plan in place when the baton is getting ready to be passed and then, if possible, work that plan over time.
• Be available for questions after the baton has been passed (but please do not be a nuisance).
• Show up and support them during the passing of the baton (and still ensure they remain the center of attention).

There is much to be said about succession planning, something with which most organizations do a very poor job. I am glad that the College of Business had an interim succession plan in place for the role of the Dean, and I am glad that Tom Cedel gave me multiple chances to practice the role of President and CEO prior to my assuming the office.  While nothing can fully prepare one for a new role, there are many ways to help make the transition better.  Take some time to day to consider how you are preparing that next person so that when you have to pass the baton on to them, the transition can be as smooth as possible.

getting to a deeper WHY

In several of my conversations this past week, questions were asked about what we as a University might consider and do in the future...most of the questions were really statements about what people wanted to have happen or not, i.e. "Is Concordia going to build another residence hall on campus?" or "Don't you think Concordia should have a football team?"  While most people would prefer a YES or NO answer so as to see if I concur with what they believe to be true, I often answer their question with another question that begins with "WHY..."?  It might sound like "why do you think that is important? " or "why is that important to you?" or "where does that question come from?"  What I am finding more and more is that most questions have a deeper WHY because what people are really longing for is something bigger and even more important than what is asked for in the initial question.  With the question of another residence hall, people might be really asking for a more robust student life on campus...and with the question about football, most people are either a) for football and the excitement that would bring to a campus; or b) against football because of the emphasis it might take away from other programs.

I think the same theory holds true for most of what we look for in our own lives and decisions, whether it is in choosing a new home, a new car, or even as simple as what to do on a weekend.  While I do not want to psychoanalyze too deeply, I believe that we often want something more than what it appears to be on the surface...are we looking for more time to spend with someone, more prestige in our lives, the ability to feel good about something, or as simple as just feeling good about doing something different?

When leading people, helping then (and you) understand the deeper WHY provides options in the decision making process, and allows for more engagement from people around the table.  When confronted with a request that seems impossible due to resource constraints, or an idea whose time has not yet arrived, leaders can help their people re-frame the question or request so that the real reason can surface and the team can arrive at an answer that meets the deeper WHY.  I often refer to this as moving from the tactical to the strategic, a way of thinking that should be prevalent in leadership teams.

So don't be afraid to ask the WHY question, over and over and over.  It sometimes takes me 4-5 WHYs to get at the heart of the matter, at which time everyone in the room often goes, "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way before."  And next time you are asked a question that is really more of a statement, resist the urge to answer it right away and probe the questioner as to where their idea or question comes from...you both might be surprised by the answer that is given.