grownup leadership

What does it mean to “grow up?” We hear it so often as a child, as in “you can do that when you grow up.” As we begin to grow up, we start to hear the question, “When will you learn to grow up?” And then, once we do grow up, we are finally referred to as a “grownup.” How did the verb ever become a noun? So now that you are grown up, and in a role of leadership, do you act like a grownup?

What does a grownup act like? What roles do grownups take on that are reserved for them? Are people in leadership positions expected to act like a grownup? Or do many people, because they feel privileged in their leadership position, continue to act less than grownup? Take a moment and consider leadership behavior you have witnessed over the past several days or weeks (you might even consider your own leadership behavior). Where have you seen grownup behavior in action – where have you seen less than grownup behavior in action – and having witnessed less than grownup behavior, haven’t you found yourself wanting to scream (in the same manner and tone your mother or father used with you) “When will you learn to grow up?”

What does grownup leadership behavior look like? Here are a few examples:
· Grown leaders take responsibility – it is not someone else’s fault (even if it is). And when it is someone else’s fault, the grownup leader will work with the individual to fix whatever problem has ensued and move forward. Remember how as children we blamed our younger brothers and sisters when we messed up?
· Grownup leaders don’t whine – they define reality and deal with the issue at hand. They speak positively of others in public, even when those others are causing them incredible grief. Didn’t our mothers used to tell us that whining was for babies?
· Grownup leaders let others win at times – they find ways to build confidence in those whom they can easily beat by not always demanding their own way. Remember when your dad “accidently” lost games he played with you?
· Grownup leaders speak their minds – they realize they have something valuable to offer. Using both careful thought AND the ability to think out loud, grownup leaders are willing to share their opinions. Remember, it’s only children who should be seen and not heard.
· Grownup leaders show up – they don’t miss important events. Sometimes it’s difficult to be at every event…all the time…for every person, but leaders know that their presence is important. Remember how we used to be told that when we got a real job, we wouldn’t be able to sleep late anymore?
· Grownup leaders pitch in – even when they are not asked to. Being aware of what needs to be done and doing it is one of those aspects of leadership that often go unnoticed – but grownup leaders do it anyway. Remember how as children we got to go and play while the adults cleaned up?

Next time you notice someone in a leadership position acting like a grownup, take a moment to thank them. Of course, they won’t see their behavior as anything abnormal, so be ready to tell them a story of that person in a leadership position you know who hasn’t yet grown up. And then look for ways in which you can act more like a grownup for those you lead.

what did you do today?

As I was driving home last night at 8:30 after a 14-hour day (I know, let the strings begin), I was reflecting on everything that had happened over that time span. I quickly realized that my day was a hodge-podge of assundry misscellaneous items which taken one-by-one seem trivial, but as a whole I think the mission actully moved forward yesterday. Here's a qick snapshot:

• prepare for class
• prepare for a faculty meeting
• prepare for an afternoon "transformation" meeting
• visit with a professor about a student issue
• teach class (see above)
• read an inapproriate email that I will need to address
• go to chapel
• lead a faculty meeting (see above)
• exit interview with a graduating student
• meet with the student about the issue (see above)
• meet with the person about the inapproriate email (see above)
• go to "transformation" meeting (see above)
• meet with student about a new type of internship
• empty out email box
• visit with another Dean
• attend basketball games

I'm exhausted reading that list - but here is what I see:

• prepare for the day
• get on with the day
• note things that get in the way of the mission
• refresh oneself
• deal with things that get in the way of the mission
• bring others along on the mission
• dream about new ways of living out the mission
• get ready for the next day
• show your face and make connections

I think this is what leaders do...it seems mundane, so it is very difficult to answer with any conviction what one "DID" during the day...but in reframing what one does in order to live out the mission, all of the items in which one engages can suddenly take on new meaning and become very important. After days such as noted above, I find myself tired BUT energized, bcause I know that WHAT I did was very important. As I look back on the day, I think it can be summarized in a few bullet points:

• prepare to influence people
• influence people
• renergize yourself
• influence more people

I think that might be the essence of leadership...agree?

sacred cows

I was cleaning out my library the other day at home and came across a book I read back in 1995 entitled Sacred Cows Make Gourmet Burgers by William Easum. The book's premise is that churches need to give up the sacred cow of control and "free individuals and teams to make responsible contributions without having to first ask permission." It was from this book that learned the phrase "permission-giving churches" and have continued to use it to describe permission-giving schools and universities. But enough on that specific sacred cow...

What is that creates sacred cows? Or maybe I should begin with describing a sacred cow. Easum writes that Webster's dictionary defines a sacred cow as "one immune from criticism or attack," with the term coming from the Hindu veneration of the cow. In my world, there are less individuals whom I would consider sacred cows and more of "things" - or maybe better yet "the way we do things." For those who are familiar with higher education, the core curriculum is often a sacred cow...or the way promotion in rank is handled...or the way credit is awarded to students...or the way graduation ceremonies are done. I suppose that all organizations (and that would include families) have their sacred cows, but considering the church and higher education (both having been established hundreds of years ago), there are bound to be multiple sacred cows. In my institution, where church and higher education are combined...well, you get the picture.

So what are leaders to do with sacred cows? Should we, as Bill Easum suggests, make gourmet burgers out of them...should we honor them and hold them up as the epitome of what our institutions should be...should we throw them out with the garbage because they have become spoiled...should we attempt to make more and protect ourselves from outside influences? Here is a short list of how one might deal with sacred cows:

1. develop an atmosphere where people are always asking "why?" This important critical thinking skill will allow for any person, tradition, or way of doing things to be questioned.
2. include in all meetings a review session of something in your organization, asking the hard questions about it's relevance, excellence, and ability to move the organization forward.
3. regularly hold a sacred cow audit, bringing into question every program, practice, and person within the organization (begin with yourelf).
4. become mission driven by asking "how does this help our mission?" with every request and new idea offered.
5. open yourself up to criticism - when the leader sets the tone for asking the hard questions, other might have an easier time of looking at themselves and their personal programs.
6. if something isn't working, fix it or get rid of it...that would include people as well as programs.
7. read widely and investigate new ideas...if we keep doing the same thing over and over, pretty soon it becomes all we know and believe it to be the best - be looking for NEW ways to do things.
8. act as an outsider by taking some time to consider what your institution and its practices might look like to someone who is not familiar with the organization - and be brutally honest.

As you have been considering the sacred cows hanging out around your organization while reading this blog, the next question is..."what are you going to do about them?" Sometimes just bringing them to light and having everyone agree that "yes, that is one of our sacred cows" can begin the process of change. I hope you are looking forward to your next meal of gourmet burgers and fries!

two sides to everything

As I write this, I am sitting in a hotel room in Eagle Pass, Texas less than 1/2 mile from the border with Mexico. I am here on a trip with a group of our students sudying international business management. This is the fourth year in a row we have come to this place, and each time I learn a little bit more about what life is like "on the other side." I have come to love and embrace the "border" mentality, where there is really not two distinct towns but one fused community, with a river running between them. As I listen to the people and watch the interactions, I am reminded how two very different cultures can work together to support each other economically and socially...and the stuggles that also go with those differences.
So what might that mean for organizations - and individual relationships? How can we as leaders embrace the "two sides" mentality toward greater organizational performance? Here are a few thoughts that cross my mind on an early Friday morning:

1. when people are on two different sides, there views are going to be different. Listening to what the person on the opposite side sees helps you better understand the area in which you are standing (remember, they see it different from you). Appreciate what the other person sees (and says) and learn frm what they are saying (and seeing).
2. here on the border, each side carries a different world view...not only do they see something different, they interpret what they see thorugh a different lense than the other person. Appreciating the history, culture, and lifestyle of each side helps to interpret what that person is seeing (and saying). Keep that in mind as you listen and respond.
3. remember that history is often written from the view of the people who win. If I view Mexican life through a lens that says "we won" then I will see things different than if I view Mexican life as a culture and tradition that was present in this part of the country centuries before America even existed. Putting "the other side" in perspective helps me understand the other perspective and keeps me from seeing everything though a win/lose proposition.
4. I really like Mexican food, and nobody makes Mexican food better than Mexicans. What is it about the other side without which I would find it difficult to live ? Seeing the positive in others and their ideas helps to bring people (and groups) together.
5. putting up walls only makes people angry - while there are those who think that walls can be used for protection, no one close to the wall ever benefits from them. Walls say "stay away" and "we do not want you." Are you a person who tears down walls - or puts more of them up?
6. as I travel over to Piedras Negras, I come into contact with the unfamiliar, and for me, that is very exciting. What is it about "the other side" that might be exciting to you? Where can you find joy in the unfamiliar and perhaps even a little scary? What are you willing to risk in order to discover something new? Embracing the unfamiliar enriches one's leadership and enhances an organization

I would invite you to discover this wonderful pair of towns on the Texas border known as Eagle Pass and Piedras Negras. I love the people here - and I love coming to a place where I can learn more about others - and I can learn more about myself. And isn't that what leadership is all about?

people who drive me crazy

Think about the people who drive you crazy...not the TYPE of people who drive you crazy, but the ACTUAL people who drive you crazy. Go ahead and name them outloud for a moment (or not, depending on where you are reading this...it could get you in trouble). But for a moment, consider a few thoughts on the people who drive you crazy:

• WHY do these people drive me crazy?
• Are they REALLY so different from me - or maybe too much alike?
• Does their BEHAVIOR push me out of my comfort zone?
• Is it a VALUE issue...or is it a PERSONALITY issue?
• What can I LEARN from these people?
• What are the PATTERNS among the different people who drive me crazy - both today and in the past?

As I consider the different people who drive me crazy, several things become apparent very quickly:

1. their strengths are very different from mine
2. they tend to not back away from conflict
3. they seem to spend more time at their desks than walking around and talking with people
4. they would rather talk about operational approaches rather than strategic approaches
5. they tend to see the glass as half-empty rather than half-full
6. they would rather blame others than take on the responsibility for change
7. they make more statements than they ask questions

The difficult part of making this list is that I have to come to the realization that each of the above behaviors can be a great advantage to an organization:

1. different strengths allow for different ways of looking at the same issue
2. ideas need to be challenged in a strong manner
3. data needs to be collected and shared, which takes time to put together
4. things need to get done - vision without action is only a dream
5. the realities of the organization need to be named and talked about
6. people who mess up need to take responsibility for their bad work
7. decisions need to be made after asking the right questions

OK, I get the point. I understand that it's good if there are people in the organization who drive me crazy. I may not understand how they think...I may not like how they act...I can disagree with their behaviors and attitudes...but I need to embrace them as important to the organization and try my hardest to work with them. Here's to those who drive me - and you - crazy!

dealing with difficult moments

Leaders will have their share of difficult moments. In my area as Dean of a College, I have difficult moment with students, faculty, administrators, alumni, parents, and even colleagues. The good news is these difficult moments are often few and far between. The bad news is that they are REALLY difficult. What makes them difficult is that they always involve people, and people are hard to deal with. Why is that?

• People are like you and me - when we look into their faces or hear their voices, we are seeing or hearing ourselves.


• We want people to like us - and when we face difficult moments with them, we are probably saying things they do not like to hear...which means they may not like us.


• Difficult moments mostly involve people when they are at their most vulnerable state, and the last thing we want to do is hurt people even more.


• What we perceive as a problem may not look like a problem to the people with whom we are dealing, so we start off on different pages. Having to explain the problem to someone else is often the hardest part of starting the difficult conversation.


• For me, there is always a gnawing voice in the back of my head saying that I might be wrong...and I begin second guessing myself.

While difficult moments are difficult, part of the role of a leader is to confront problems and deal with those difficult moments. If the leader shirks that responsibility, then they are not fulfilling their role as leader. So what might be some ways to deal with difficult moments and perhaps make them slightly less difficult?

• Deal with them right away - the longer one lets the issue go, the harder it is to confront the individual with the problem


• Know exactly what you are going to say in the moment - take some time to think through and write out what you want to say to the person before you begin the conversation


• Approach the situation with the understanding that you MIGHT be wrong - that thought pattern can remove any attitude of superiority and put the two of you on more equal footing


• In the conversation, provide a way and time for the other person to admit their role in the problem and make restiution - if you do all of the talking, it will put the other person in an even more defensive mode


• Realize that you are doing your job, and no one else can do it for you - this is why you were put in the leadership role, so do it and do it well. You may or may not win friends in the process, but what you are doing is strengthening and building the organization and its mission


• Don't dwell on the issue - state what the problem is, ask a few questions, note the consequences if warranted, and stop. If the person responds, there is then room for dialogue with the two of you. If not, then the conversation is over. Be sure to check for understanding before the conversation is finished.


• Follow up - an email or note after the difficult moment helps to make sure that both parties understand what happened and leaves a paper trail.


• Move on - a difficult moment is just that...A MOMENT. Once it is over, it is over, and both parties can move on with their work. Don't take it personally, and don't hold a grudge. On the other hand, there is no need to go out of your way to "fix" the relationship or issue right away. Let it take care of itself over time.

And finally, remember not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Much of what we might perceive as a difficult moment may be nothing more than a blip on the screen for the other person. What keeps me awake at night may not keep someone else awake at night, and I have to accept that fact. Yet another hazard of leadership.

A final note - while I never enjoy the difficult moments, I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I have dealt with the issues and the people. Perhaps that has to do with the realization that I am actually doing my job...and doing those things that only leaders can do. And that's a good thing.

busy!

Don't you hate hearing the excuse from people who say to you, "I'm too busy." When I hear that, I have to consider the fact that this person, like myself and every other person in the world, has 24 hours in any given day to accomplish the tasks set before them. "I'm too busy" may merely be a substitute for other issues that have clogged someone's calendar or interfered with what should be most important in one's calling and vocation. Let's explore some of the reasons why people assume they might be too busy...

• not organized - the inability to order and prioritze the multiple tasks one has does not mean one is too busy...it means they are unorganized!
• distracted - there are lots of things in life that MIGHT seem more important or more fun. These people are not too busy...they are not focused!
• inability to say NO - busy people are people who get things done, and will be asked to do more. They are also people who tend to say YES to everything. These people are never too busy...they just have not said NO for awhile!
• like to complain - it seems good and right to always say one is too busy - they may even wear it as a badge of honor. These people are not too busy...they just want everyone else to think they are important!
• work in an unhealthy environment - there are places that might demand too much of their people and expect work to be done in unimagineable amounts and timelines. These people are not too busy - they are not in a position to either manage their own work, say NO, or quit!
• poor processes - if it takes 6 hours to do a job that could be done in 3, it might be that the process one uses is faulty. These people are not too busy...they are slaves to a process that is not a good fit for what they are trying to accomplish.!
• in the wrong vocation - when people are doing what they either do not have the talent to do or do not love to do, it will always seem to them as if they are overwhelmed. They are not too busy...they are in the wrong position!

As leaders, it is easy to get "too busy" or to put others in a position where they get "too busy." How can we keep from getting "too busy" in our work? A few thoughts:

• breathe - literally, take a deep breath when you feel this way, or take a quick walk, and then get after the task with a clearer head and mindset.
• organize - is your desk or file cabinet messy? Does it LOOK like you are too busy? Get rid of the extraneous "stuff" that you no longer need and let your work space reflect a life that is never "too busy."
• learn to say NO - next time someone asks you to do something, or an opportunity comes across your desk, ask yourself if by doing that project or going to that conference will really help you move forward in your job, mission, or life. If the answer is YES, realize that you may have to let something else go in order to make the new project happen. If NO, then politely say NO or throw the flyer away.
• turn the sound off on your computer -you do not need to know when every email arrives. What if the post office delivered letters and journals to your office every 20 minutes or so? You would get irritated. Treat your email the same way. Decide at which times of day you are going to answer your emails. (May I suggest early morning and later afternoon?).
• check you ego - go deep and ask yourself why you feel so busy. If it has to do more with who you are that what you do, then make a decision to engage in a different thought pattern and a different way of answering people when they ask how you are doing. Next time, instead of saying, "I'm too busy," respond with a phrase that talks about the importance of your work or how much you are accomplishing.

This list could go on and on - and there are many books to help one get organized and have more control of thier lives. Leaders need to have control, because so much around them is out of control. While many of us thrive on the compliment "You look so busy," perhaps we should arrange our lives so that people say to us," It looks as if you have nothing to do," while deep inside they know (and so do we) that great things are happening because of us!